Luciana Rose

So as most of you know, we had Luciana Rose Casillas on August 21, 2009 at 3:18pm.  She was 8lbs and the most beautiful thing I have ever laid eyes on.  It was the most amazing experience from the pregnancy to the delivery and, best of all, meeting our baby girl.  No one tells you, nor can they explain, how overwhelmed you are with emotions after the birth of your child.  I have never felt so much love for someone in my life.  And my love for Travis reached another dimension I didn't even know existed. 

So since I am about a year late in starting a diary of the pregnancy, birth and first 3 months of Luciana's life here is a quick overview...

We decided last year about this time, around Thanksgiving, that we were finally going to give parenthood a shot.  We started trying and 2 weeks later to our amazement, we were pregnant!  We were so full of anticipation and began doing all the things parents do to get ready for a new baby.  We wanted to be as prepared as possible...if that is possible!  I read up on how to do everything the "best" way.  One of these "bests" was that I wanted an all natural birth.  I had always felt that it was the way God intended it to be.  So we had the nursery ready and all of the cute little baby items purchased and put in their places.  All we needed was the baby!  On August 20th, I go to my last weekly appointment before Luciana's August 26th due date.  I am so big and uncomfortable at this point I am really hoping the doctor tells me there are some signs of progress.  It turned out I was dialated only 1cm, but my blood pressure was high.  So into triage we go where they decide being so close to the due date we will induce.  Travis is besides himself...I think he wasn't quite expecting it to happen just then...but he is so excited and so am I (maybe a little nervous too). A cervics softener is started that evening and the morning of August 21st at 6:30 am I am induced.  A couple hours pass and things are going smoothly, I feel very little discomfort besides the IV in hand.  At 9am they break my water.  With this, my contractions become stronger and by noon I am dialated to 4cm and my contractions are about 2-3 minutes apart.  I am getting more and more nervous.  The pain is still tolerable but ever increasing.  I am determined to do this the natural way.  They continue to monitor me and the contractions continue to get stronger and by 2 they are 1-2 mins apart but I am still only dialated to 4cm.  All that work for nothing!!!  Luciana is balled up under my right rib cage, she obviously is content where she is at and isn't interested in making an appearance anytime soon.  So at 2:30pm, Dr. Guerra tells me she thinks it is time for a c-section.  NO!  I just wanted so badly to have her naturally and the last thing I wanted was a c-section!  Travis and I both feel a little helpless.  It is hard to know if the doctor just prefers a c-section for convenience or money or because it has just become so common in practice.  I watched "The Business of Being Born" and I am feeling very skeptical.  I want to tell them no, we are doing this naturally, but our fear of anything going wrong causes us to comply with the doctors suggestion.  In ten minutes I am getting an epidural by myself and Travis is getting suited up.  It is all happening so fast that I don't even get time to process that soon I will get to meet my baby girl.  I am so worried about how this is all going to go.  I can see the worry in Travis's face as well.  So the surgery begins and before I know it I hear Luciana's sweet little whimper!  Who knew how quickly they could get a baby out!  I had always been against a video camera in the delivery room but now I wish I had had one.  I would do anything to hear that first precious gasp again.  Her whimper is soon followed by a big, healthy cry.  With that cry went the elation of 9 months of worry.  She is healthy!  They begin to clean her and it is an eternity before I get to see her it seems!  Travis runs over to take a picture and brings it back to me.  So my first sight of Luciana was through a picture.  Not what I had planned but she is healthy and here and that is now all that matters.  Dr. Guerra comes to talk to us while they are cleaning Luciana and explains how glad she was that we decided to do a c-section.  The umbilical cord was wrapped around her head 3 times and had she dropped into the birth canal we would have had an emergency c-section and who knows what sort of complications with Luciana.  I had prayed and prayed that Luciana would be born the way God intended.  In my mind this meant naturally, but now I realize he had it under control and she was born the way He intended and is now safely in our lives.

The next few days Luciana stays in the NICU, her blood sugar is low due to my gestational diabetes.  She was known as the "big girl" in the NICU being 8lbs in comparison to so many tiny premies!  The NICU nurses made a not so ideal situation great.  They were so caring and wonderful and set our minds at ease as we watched Luciana being poked and proded.  In 4 days we were both able to go home together...what a blessing. 

I wish I could have bottled up the emotions I felt in the first week after Luciana's birth.  Everyday since her birth has been so much fuller than I imagined, but that first week I was so overwhelmed with happiness and love for her and Travis.  I have never been happier.  I quickly realized that this sweet baby held my heart and that my heart was now bigger because of her.  I was forever changed for the better.

Now she is 3 months old and every moment with her is a blessing and her every move is so entertaining to us.  Her smile brightens my day and holding her warms my heart.  I look forward to all that is yet to come.